Happy New Year

I'm thankful for the things I never knew to ask,
but He was thoughtful to provide.
I'm thankful for the things I asked every day,
but He in His wisdom chose to delay.
And I'm thankful that His grace
...Let me be His child
And yet another year..
Let me stay...

A writer’s prayer

Every morning, I take my Bible to the Light

The wondrous things, You've written

I pray that I must see

The encouragement, the correction

And message spelled out for me.

My inner life

Is a strange mix

Of Your motivations and mine,

Please let me express

Only what’s in Your mind.

Every moment of my life, I want to stay within Your will

But sometimes, in my hastiness

I can't surrender and stay still.

In moments like those,

Please don't let my heart grow cold

Woven in every season

Of this weary life of mine,

Please help me find me a story,

That could touch someone in pain,

And bring Hope to those who complain.

Let me not compete

Because my competence comes from You.

You are the True Vine

In You, my words bear fruit.

Sometimes, when I’m exhausted

And though I see no gain,

Lord, please help me persevere,

Don’t let my labor go in vain.

Lord, teach me to be concise

Let my readers hear,

I want to talk to them,

With a voice,

That they hold dear.

There will come a day,

When the thoughts won’t come,

And my words go numb,

Please stay beside me then,

And take me Home…

His ways never cease to amaze me..

A conflict of interest between two important things in your life can really be hurtful. It pushes us to a situation where we just want to quit. I'd like to share a story of a friend.

Things were getting pretty hard on her . Outwardly, everything looked perfect. But she had an unexplainable inner turmoil. She had always thought that she was a very realistic person. But the kind of perplexity she went through, made her realize how great a dreamer she was.

Her inner turmoil would build each day. And for a moment she wished that some button could be pushed and all the contents of her heart and mind could be erased. The only prayer that she could do, were the unsaid ones, in her tears. She so wished that someone could lead her in a child like prayer of faith.

She would put herself together for a day, and try and see how bright and promising her life really is. But those "highs" that she gave herself, would hardly last. Sooner or later, she would be back to her terrible self, looking and feeling groggy, and dragging herself around.

At one point she couldn't take it any more. And she told God, "Burying my dreams is not new to me, I can do this. I don't think writing was something you ever had in Your mind, it was some crazy obsession that happened in my teens and I carried it too far..I'm sorry that I let this crazy desire strain our relationship."

She was praying this prayer for a while and at one point, she decided to do the break up with her obsession in church.

In the morning service, she prayed, saying, "Writing was suppose to bring me close to You, but it is straining my relationship with you instead. I guess I just had a wild affair with writing for a while, and before I become more bitter and hurt it's about time I say good bye."

Just to get her mind off things and get back to normal, she attended the evening service that day. She was challenged by the Word shared concerning Naaman's servant girl. After the service, she almost left the church building feeling small and inferior to the bold witness in that orphaned slave girl.

Out of the blue, her pastor asked her if she would like to meet the speaker, who was also an author of several books. She was a little hesitant, but then did not want to sound disrespectful to him, so she agreed reluctantly. She was shocked when he introduced her to him saying that she was a "writer". He had no clue that the writer in her left in the morning service.

After a little aimless chat, the author prayed with my friend. As he was praying, he said something like "God, strengthen her, as she uses her talents for your sake". Now, this is such a cliched phrase, but just at that moment, God said in her heart "This is the prayer that I wanted to hear. Not the trash that you blabbered today morning.!!"

The writer in her who left her that morning came back and she was so glad. She left the church believing that God still wants to use her.

Had God not intervened in her life that day, she probably would never have written again. It is not that from the next day she received divine visitation and wrote revival literature.

But she was firmly reassured that she need to pursue writing for God with passion. She was strengthened and began to refocus and put more efforts.

"I felt God tell me", she started, "Hey kid, I need you to do some stuff...maybe it's not big and all..but it's still My stuff, and I need someone like you...Btw..don't get into those.."I-give-up-Lord" modes often and waste your time.. we need to work on how to get things done..we can't keep working on fixing your emotional swings always.."

With a tear in the corner of her eye, overflowing from a heart brimming with gratitude, she said.. "You will never know how unworthy I am..But His ways never cease to amaze me..

"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me." Psalm 139:1

..yeah, better than I know myself.

Do you have a story to tell me too?

Love,
Callie

Dear Father,

It's a different thing these days,
When I talk to you,
My burden doesn't leave
Neither does the grief.

Abba, when you teach;
I sit and learn at Your feet.
Abba, I will walk in all Your ways.
Because,
Everything You do, and Every Word You say,
Moulds a part of this clay.

To get rid of who I am,
And to forget of what I need.
But to hold the feet of Jesus,
For His forgiveness I cry and plead.

I want to come to You;
Not 'coz someone's watching,
Not 'coz it's the rule,
Not 'coz I need to cry,
And not just 'coz I want to feel alright.

But I want to enjoy,
The presence of Your grace
And enter into the Most Holy place
I am coming in, Father
To see you
To feel you
To touch you, O Lord.
At Your Glory to gaze
And let my heart be amazed...

Totally Random

When I'm walking through fire
Help me remember
that You put me in there.
Oh God when I see the glassy sea
right beneath my feet..
I remember Lord, that I'm staggering forward
Towards Your plans for me

Help me to wait Lord
As I watch Your glory reveal
To seek You more than yesterday
Getting closer to Your heartbeat

Coz' while it seems like I am waiting
I know that you are working
You neither sleep nor rest
Lord please help me to see
That You'll always be
Better than my very best...

But I won't give up

Did David write his psalms,

knowing that one day it would be read

by another going through just what he had felt.

Am writing this..just like David...

Knowing that its only a whine..

But hoping secretly it would someday sometime

Help someone see a silver line.

Time is running

But I am not.

Haven't turned a soul to You.

The things I've been denied

Never hurt at all..

But it pricks real hard

When I think of those that I am due.

I wonder if it's my guilt

or the devil who's lost and shamed

what's paralysing me ?

That I cannot move forward and heal the pain.

I'm longing for a future

That I have no hope to see

I'm longing to transform that life

That I don't know how to reach

Help me Lord

I don't know how to pray..

I don't know what to ask...

But I won't give up.

Why writing is important to me.

I wanted a dream

I held so dear

All other things

I never cared

But when it did not happen

I took life as it came

Coz my heart wasn’t ready

To take another blame

So I stopped to dream…

When you came by,

I did not realize

But you’ve given meaning

To my useless life

Every time I had,

My moments with you

I could see that I wasn’t a waste

And dreams can come true.

Please don’t go away from me,

Even when I’m not fair

Don’t leave,

Because it is only in your face

I see,

A reason to believe.